The Joke Thread

[patch697]

A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her more beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said "I found your note asking for 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said "I really want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face".

[the ferret]

Hello Mary, long time no see, how's the family? Is your husband still eating those cans of cat food?
" nah he's not with us anymore, he died last week"
Gee Mary, that is so sad, what killed him, I told you the cat food would poison him!
" Nah, he was up on the roof about midnight, stuck one leg up in the air ta lick himself and fell over backwards, fell off the roof and landed on the driveway".
Cheers, the ferret.

[the ferret]

Hello Mary, hows your new husband, still mad about dog food instead of your cooking?
"nup, he's dead too"
Far out, what was the cause, I knew that dog food would make him crook but I didn't think it would kill him.
"Nup, got run over chasing cars"

[the ferret]

About midnight, the Mrs goes off ta bed leaving the old man fast asleep in the chair.
1 am the son comes home, spots the old man and decides to have a bit of fun, goes and grabs a frozen turkey neck from the freezer and slips it into the old man's zipper and goes to bed.
Missus wakes up about 2 and goes to check on the old man and there's the CAT, chewing away on the turkey neck!!
Cheers, the ferret.

[the ferret]

Well that's about it for the clean ones, hope you all have a great evening with family and friends and that if you're driving, please don't drink too much, I would like to see ALL of you back here next year.
Thankyou for your friendship and your custom over the past year, play hard, stay safe, tidy up the trol and have a great 2012.
Rod, the ferret.

[AB]

Well that's about it for the clean ones, hope you all have a great evening with family and friends and that if you're driving, please don't drink too much, I would like to see ALL of you back here next year.
Thankyou for your friendship and your custom over the past year, play hard, stay safe, tidy up the trol and have a great 2012.
Rod, the ferret.

Good work Rod, have a great night mate!

[Mr Toad]

I wonder how good the catering was at Kim Jong il's funeral? I bet it was the dogs bollocks! Kidding aside they eat dog here in the Philippines! but I had turkey for my Christmas lunch

[the ferret]

I wonder how good the catering was at Kim Jong il's funeral? I bet it was the dogs bollocks! Kidding aside they eat dog here in the Philippines! but I had turkey for my Christmas lunch

Oh yeah, how do you know it WAS turkey? lol.

[Mr Toad]

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for New Year, it's very nice...

But i think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch".

[Mr Toad]

It did not taste like dog