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Thread: The Joke Thread

  1. #1691
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    Classic line from Benny Hill's Ernie "Would you like it pasteurised 'cause pasteurised is best, she said Ernie I'd be happy if it comes up to me chest".

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  3. #1692
    Beginner PatrolLord's Avatar
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    Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

    Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"

    Billy replies: "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy
    I'm not rude. I just hate bullshitters

    Nissan Patrol 3.0 CRD 2" lift
    33" mud terrain tyres
    Roof rack and custom snorkel

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  5. #1693
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    Quote Originally Posted by PatrolLord View Post
    Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.

    Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"

    Billy replies: "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy
    But I wouldn't be starting from here.

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  7. #1694
    Legendary 4bye4's Avatar
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    Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Are you having a beer?”
    Descartes says, “I think not”, and ceases to exist.
    2005 GU IV ST 3.0. Snorkel. Roof rack. Awning. Spots. Welded I/C. Dual batteries & VSR. UHF. Barn door hinge extension. Roof top spot lights. Rear drawers. 2" lift. NADS. EGT and boost gauges. Trans temp and water temp gauges. Provent 200 catch can. Rear ladder


    And crawling on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time. And lost in space... and meaning.

  8. #1695
    Hardcore jack's Avatar
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    In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc. which protocol decrees), the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.”

    Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

    "Well, sir, I played cricket for England, graduated with honours from Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.


    I have researched the history of . . . "...... At that point, the colonel interrupted.



    "Yes, yes, never mind all that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file."



    "Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fu@k off."
    Cheers
    Jack

    2012 Simpson 50th Anniversary Edition.
    WARNING: Towballs used for recoveries can, and do kill people and damage property.

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  10. #1696
    Patrol God mudnut's Avatar
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    Had to visit a psychiatrist as part of medical examination for a job I had applied for.

    After many questions about my life, family and current job, he asked if I thought I had an superpowers.

    I replied yes, raised my left my hand and wiggled my fingers.

    After a minute or so he asked what my superpower was.

    Laughing, I told him it was to get psychiatrists to look at my left hand for a freakishly long time.

    Didn't get the job, though.
    My advice is: not to follow my advice.

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  12. #1697
    Patrol God mudnut's Avatar
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    My son actually did that to a psych

    More from him...

    What do you call a sinking sheep ship?





    A ewe boat.


    Do you think that glass coffins will become fashionable?

    .



    Remains to be seen.
    My advice is: not to follow my advice.

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  14. #1698
    Legendary GQtdauto's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mudnut View Post
    My son actually did that to a psych

    More from him...

    What do you call a sinking sheep ship?





    A ewe boat.


    Do you think that glass coffins will become fashionable?

    .



    Remains to be seen.
    Did you pinch that joke book from Clunk?

  15. #1699
    Patrol God mudnut's Avatar
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    The difference between flying pigs and politicians?







    The f.
    My advice is: not to follow my advice.

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  17. #1700
    Dribble Master Clunk's Avatar
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    ...........



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