The Joke Thread

[ozzyboy]

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[ozzyboy]

NEWS FLASH :- A plane in Australia has crashed into a Ferris wheel. Police say the pilot is shaken but slowly coming round !!!!

[ozzyboy]

I love Ebay.
I sold my homing pigeons 8 times last week!!

[rottodiver]

How do you make a marble elephant
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get a piece of marble and take everything away that doesn't look like an elephant!!

[patch697]

How do you catch a unique rabbit
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you neak up on it.......lol

[patch697]

[nowoolies]

Golden Syrup.......

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party.

He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.

The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:
Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.

The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.

[nowoolies]

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.


The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"



"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.

While he didn't want to appear insensitive, nor look soft in front of his mates, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"







So she does... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl........"

[nowoolies]

Laugh often, long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.

And if you have a friend who makes
you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with them.

[patch697]

hahahahahahahahah.............. Gold