Random joke and interesting pics

[Clunk]

.............

[GQtdauto]

Now where do I buy those from .

[garett]

https://www.facebook.com/9gagTV/videos/821138778065433/

[Bush Ranger]

.............

Might need 3 or more of those give it 10 minutes signs after I`ve been and I`m tired of repainting the loo room.

[Clunk]

When I got home my wife had 2 of her friends round. "Here he is," she said. "We were just talking about having a foursome, if you're up for it?" She smiled and winked. Two minutes later, I appeared naked with my dick in my hand. They all had tennis rackets in theirs!

[Clunk]

A few things to think about.

Why are there signs in Braille saying Do not touch?

How do they get the Teflon to stick on saucepans if it's non stick?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologises for doing so, why do we say,
"It's all right?"
Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say,
"That hurt, you f**king bastard idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.....
if they're okay............. then it's you.

[Clunk]

Got pulled over by the police:
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round"
Police: "Turn around"
Me: "Bright eye's"
That's when I got tasered.

[Clunk]

I went out in my new T-shirt that reads, "Minge Is Awesome! But a policeman arrested me on the street.
Apparently pro fanny tees aren't allowed.

[Clunk]

I let my wife take me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, "Shall we do something we've never done in the car before?" I said, "Go on then, bang it into fourth gear."

[Clunk]

My wife was going to pick me up from work but she phoned and said the cars broken down and I would have to catch the train home. I said, "What's happened?" She said, "there's water in the carburettor." I replied, "how do you know that?" She said, "it's in the canal."