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24th March 2017, 03:46 AM
#881
Patrol Freak
I'm Alexander and I'm the happiest owner of GQ Nissan Safari in the whole Central Asia
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The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Wine_maker For This Useful Post:
AB (24th March 2017), Clunk (24th March 2017), MB (29th May 2017), mudnut (24th March 2017)
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24th March 2017 03:46 AM
# ADS
Circuit advertisement
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29th May 2017, 01:02 PM
#882
..........
The Mexicans must really love Trump, they even have him on their toilet paper.
Trump Toilet Paper.JPG
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29th May 2017, 01:38 PM
#883
Dribble Master
...........
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31st May 2017, 11:23 PM
#884
Dribble Master
.............
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1st June 2017, 07:28 PM
#885
Patrol Freak
I don`t fart, I say that my bum burped.
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2nd June 2017, 10:07 AM
#886
Missing in Action
"Yet, upon the whole, the space I traversed is unlikely to become the haunt of civilized man....." - Charles Sturt
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2nd June 2017, 04:31 PM
#887
Legendary
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make so I found the number and dialled it. A man’s voice answered 'Hello.' I asked if the person I wanted was home, only to be told “get the right bloody number” and was hung up on. I checked the number and found that I had indeed called the incorrect number. After calling the correct number, I decided to call the “wrong” number again. When the guy answered I said “your an arsehole” and hung up.
Every couple of weeks I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'
One day I was at the store when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but he just called me an arsehole. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
Now, whenever I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.'
I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said yes and gave me his name, Don, and his address.
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' and he said 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, ‘Don, can I tell you something?' and when he said yes I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up.
Then I called asshole #1 again. He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'
I said, 'Make me,'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Cairns North, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Cairns North.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Cairns North .
I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
2005 GU IV ST 3.0. Snorkel. Roof rack. Awning. Spots. Welded I/C. Dual batteries & VSR. UHF. Barn door hinge extension. Roof top spot lights. Rear drawers. 2" lift. NADS. EGT and boost gauges. Trans temp and water temp gauges. Provent 200 catch can. Rear ladder
And crawling on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time. And lost in space... and meaning.
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18th June 2017, 11:51 AM
#888
Patrol Freak
I called a new weight lost company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads,
'If you can catch me, you can have me.'
Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens. On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost
10 lbs as promised.
I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life. She is wearing
nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, I'm out the door after her like a
shot. This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually
getting in better shape. Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh
myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.
I lost 63 pounds that week.
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18th June 2017, 12:55 PM
#889
I am he, fear me
Originally Posted by
Bush Ranger
So I decide to go for broke and call the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program."
"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it I find a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you,... you're mine.
I lost 63 pounds that week.
Imagine how much more weight you would have lost if you were faster than him....
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
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19th June 2017, 07:45 PM
#890
Patrol Freak
As long as I didn`t get a black eye out of it. I`m not going to explain that answer.
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