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Thread: Depression

  1. #961
    Patrol Guru Evo's Avatar
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    I don't know if it's all just from pain and inability to do what I want, to go back to work, or all the places and people I've seen that have not been able to help.
    Have been pushed from pillar to post...
    Neurosurgeon, orthopaedic surgeon, pain management, rehab management, occupational therapy, physiotherapy, job counselling, psychologist, psychiatrist. Probably others in there too.
    Then the meds... Anti-depressants, 3 types and dosages of pain meds, nerve blockers, 2 types of sleeping meds, have had 2 epidural injections, and then some.

    I was 25 when this all started, just moved into our house 3 years before, things were going good, planning wise and financially.

    Now it just seems like... I don't have the word for it.
    Every dollar is accounted for, the missus does a budget each month to make sure we can get by and maybe put a few dollars away for saving.
    And just when you think you may just get ahead, even by the smallest margin, something always happens.
    We make sure the mortgage is paid first, then whatever the little man needs, then bills.
    Whatever is left has to cover everything else, fuel, etc.
    We once had to go out grocery shopping with just $12.
    No outside help, we manage by ourselves.
    She's the bread winner, I'm just, I don't know what you would call me...
    It kills me to not be able to give the missus and my little fella whatever they want like years ago.
    My mind is always going, always thinking, about tomorrow, and the next day.
    What if X happens, will we manage to cover Y?
    What if?
    How?
    When?
    And if it all.goes to s#!+ tomorrow, then what?

    Like you have all said, not easy...
    It's not easy, but why do I feel that this is my cross to bear? That I have to do this on my own? Is it because I have always relied on myself? Always done things on my own? Don't trust enough?

    Don't know.

    These words are pretty spot on.

    I walk a lonely road
    The only one that I have ever known
    Don't know where it goes
    But it's only me, and I walk alone
    I walk this empty street
    On the boulevard of broken dreams
    Where the city sleeps
    And I'm the only one, and I walk alone

    My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
    My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
    Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
    Till then I walk alone

    I'm walking down the line
    That divides me somewhere in my mind
    On the border line of the edge
    And where I walk alone
    Read between the lines
    What's fucked up and every thing's all right
    Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
    And I walk alone

    My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
    My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
    Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
    Till then I walk alone

    I walk this empty street
    On the boulevard of broken dreams
    Where the city sleeps
    And I'm the only one, and I walk alone
    My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
    My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
    Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
    Till then I walk alone...

  2. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Evo For This Useful Post:

    dom14 (14th February 2018), GQtdauto (13th February 2018), jack (14th February 2018), MB (13th February 2018), MudRunnerTD (13th February 2018), threedogs (13th February 2018)

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  4. #962
    ......... MB's Avatar
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    We’re never alone Evo mate :-) Please do drop any of us a line anytime , especially Mc4by and his kind offer. For me it was the ‘What If’ language in my head that set the wheels in motion. In regards surgery, definitely worth asking around a local retirement village, our seniors really know their top local docs and can point us in the right direction no doubt mate!


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  6. #963
    Patrol God threedogs's Avatar
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    @Avo for extra dollars as I feel our situations are similar, my wife is now my carer
    she doesnt have to work but does to keep her mind busy over recent events.
    Even got $8k in back pay, might be worth looking into. I was 35 1991 when first injured
    and here I am 26yrs later worse off, there is however a new style MRI which is a load bearing
    scan no good laying down with all pressure taken off. This one you stand to show where pain is.
    Not sure if WA have one yet as I'll be one of the first to use it.
    Hope you find some relief know the feeling all to well of feeling useless, its embarrsasing, from a once do it all guy
    to now just sitting in a chair, thoughts with you @Avo,
    on a lighter note whats with these $8 avos
    04 ST 3lt auto, not enough Mods to keep me happy, but getting there

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  8. #964
    Patrol God Avo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogs View Post
    @Avo for extra dollars as I feel our situations are similar, my wife is now my carer
    she doesnt have to work but does to keep her mind busy over recent events.
    Even got $8k in back pay, might be worth looking into. I was 35 1991 when first injured
    and here I am 26yrs later worse off, there is however a new style MRI which is a load bearing
    scan no good laying down with all pressure taken off. This one you stand to show where pain is.
    Not sure if WA have one yet as I'll be one of the first to use it.
    Hope you find some relief know the feeling all to well of feeling useless, its embarrsasing, from a once do it all guy
    to now just sitting in a chair, thoughts with you @Avo,
    on a lighter note whats with these $8 avos
    you mean evo or avo matey.....and 8 bucks,you guys getting ripped opff,still 3.50 over here...
    I drive my wife's patrol......and i'm going to Licola...2018

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  10. #965
    Patrol God threedogs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avo View Post
    you mean evo or avo matey.....and 8 bucks,you guys getting ripped opff,still 3.50 over here...
    woops mixed that up sorry @Evo
    04 ST 3lt auto, not enough Mods to keep me happy, but getting there

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  12. #966
    Patrol Guru Evo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MB View Post
    We’re never alone Evo mate :-) Please do drop any of us a line anytime , especially Mc4by and his kind offer. For me it was the ‘What If’ language in my head that set the wheels in motion. In regards surgery, definitely worth asking around a local retirement village, our seniors really know their top local docs and can point us in the right direction no doubt mate!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    If you are referring to surgery, as in going under the knife, that option has been looked into, and I had asked about it over the first couple of years.
    However I was told it's not something that they will consider as the percentage of being worse off (wheelchair/paralysis) is higher than being better than I am now.
    Cheers,

    Evo


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  14. #967
    ......... MB's Avatar
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    As John (Threedogs) kindly mentioned above Evo mate there is some amazing new medical technologies out there these days that might now have a better way of at least scanning to have a second look see. Can still be a scary decision to go under agreed and they certainly do make you sign the old waiver. A blown out C5-6 disc touching my cord with added arthritis crushing my right arm nerves in there was finally found. I just couldn’t handle the intense pins and needles and arm function loss so had to take that chance for me. Fortunately was a great surgeon recommended to me from the oldies and forever thank him and them all !


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  16. #968
    Legendary GQtdauto's Avatar
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    During my pain journey a few things helped me get to the destination.

    Although not easy being able to accept what's happened to me and working out where to from here .

    Suddenly realising that the bloke over there with bone cancer or the one over there missing limbs was much worse off than me .

    Finding a doc who knows their shit (most important).

    Finding people who were in the same boat or similar and who were going through the same thing .

    Talking to those around me and letting someone know what was going on in my head , again a difficult thing for a bloke to do but bottling everything up inside only makes things worse .

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  18. #969
    Patrol God Avo's Avatar
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    wouldn't it be good if we could all talk.....if it aint one thing it's another..,we have to be here for our kids...no point giving up yet hey
    just someone I care about a lot...cheers
    I drive my wife's patrol......and i'm going to Licola...2018

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  20. #970
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    You don't know me, but I did this for a living. Talk to me if you need to.
    That's funny, I don't remember being forgetful.

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