RLI's d&$k-brain moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PMC]

The sh!t day i had to have.

My brother in-law Ben (outlaw-city slicker with attitude) had come up to visit us from victoria. On the day they were departing the prick cons me into taking him and his step son Liam (a nice lad) for a quick spin up the hills at the back of home. (Woolgoolga NSW)

9.30am, the first signs of a shitty day begins to take shape, firstly, we refit the ARB roof rack back onto the Patrol; the father in-law slips and nearly breaks his neck whilst lifting the heavy sucker onto the roof, I split the crutch in my jeans, my brother in-law drops his corner of the roof rack which savagely scrapes its way along the roof, f--k meeee I said kindly!

10.00am the second indicator of a shitty day occurred when my lounge lizard brother in-law is giving me the hurry up to bolt the roof rack up. His missus Lisa (god love her) has decided that we have only one and a half hours of play time, before they have to get ready to head out to Coffs Harbour airport for their return trip back to Melbourne. This rushing around was to have a major impact on our day! (Remember the saying (“proper prior planning prevents pi55 poor performance”) well lounge lizards, this will soon become my Achilles heel!

10.30 am my plan of attack was to depart for the Wedding Bells State Forest in the Sherwood Nature Reserve a bout 5ks from home and then travel on the Woolgoolga Creek Road track doing a 20k loop back to home via Sherwood Creek Road (this is one of the stages used for the World Rally Championship’s in Coffs Harbour) I thought this should only take us about an hour tops! (Well f--k-me swinging that never occurred!)

15 minutes’ into the trip, my city slicker brother-in-law starts whinging that he thought four wheel driving was a lot tougher! (Well my fussy-as friends, that was like showing a red-rag to a bull) 2ks a long was the infamous Widow-maker track (lounge lizards, you have extreme difficulty even trying to walk up this near impossible shit slide) Arriving at the Widow-maker, my gob on a stick brother in-law suddenly looks up at the rutted, rock stepped, sh!t slide of a track, gulps and then nervously states; “your kidding me aren't you, were not going up there are we?”

Diff locks engaged, tyre pressures lowered to 25psi, low range 1st gear selected, a short dough-nut, I looked at the poor pricks and said “tighten your trouser belts, seat belts and hang on!" I drove like the clappers and up we went, dodging, weaving, wheel spinning, I casually looked across at my brother in-law who appeared to be praying! (I am thinking to myself that’s strange he is not a religious person.) Suddenly I heard the deafening screams “f--kkkkk meeeee, sh!t, sh!t oh my god, oh my god, were not goinggggg to make it Paulll. All of a sudden we are at the top. Ben sweating and shacking profusely says, "We did it; I can’t believe it, we did it” I am saying to myself, (city-slickers!!!!!!!!!)

After making it up, Ben decided we should take some photos, so we dropped Liam off, so he could take the photos. What was to happen was, I would go back down, chuck a U-turn and then head back up again, simple!!!!! (Well not exactly lounge lizards.)

On the second run it turned to f%$&ing sh!t, up we went, when suddenly the rear locker played-up ( the air-line got dislodged by a tree branch) Now, I had trouble with the rear wheels gaining traction, Ben suddenly did not want to play four wheel driving anymore and started to panic!!!!!!!! saying; “Ohhh f--kkkkkk were going to roll, Paul were going to die mate, oh sh!t what have we done!!!!!!!” I just suddenly snapped and said; “shut up, I am trying to concentrate here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All hell breaks loose when the Patrol suddenly starts sliding side-wards and backwards all at the same time!!!!!!! Bang!!! Crunch!!!!!! The look on my brother-in-laws face was priceless, his eyes were nearly telescoping from his scull while his tongue was flapping one foot in front of his face (like Homer Simpson). By now Ben is pleading to the higher heavens for forgiveness and owning up to past indiscretions and unsolved crimes that he has never committed in his life!!!!) Suddenly the patrol stalls and lurches one final time to the driver’s side and stops.(dust is now swirling around us like a thick fog)

It is amazing when your survival instincts kick-in. I jumped out of the Patrol and left my brother in-law still strapped in his seat with the Patrol about to roll down the hill; it would have been certain death if the had rolled. Stuff-him, I never liked the prick anyway! (Just joking lounge lizards) I ran around to the passenger side of the patrol and help drag him though the passenger side window. As soon as I got him out he pi55ed-off and left me balancing on the passenger side of the Patrol. See photos attached;















Stay tuned for part 2

Regards,

RLI

[ozzyboy]

colourful text, but i like it
looking forward to part 2

ozz

[PMC]

colourful text, but i like it
looking forward to part 2

ozz

G'evening mate,

You should see me after a couple of beers around the camp-fire( when all the children have gone to bed)

Regards,

RLI

[Winnie]

Part 2 should be a pissa lol funny stuff!

Tip tap tippity tip tappity tap tap ding dong tipsy topsy wopsy mopsy tippy tap tap tipitty wee

[the ferret]

Don't tell us it fell over!!!
Cheers, the ferret.

[megatexture]

whens part 2 lol dont leave us hanging

[snewin]

Hope you got a good pic of the brother in law peaking his titties off.

[Irvs]

RLI you tell a bloody good yarn mate, looking forward to part two

[macca]

whens part 2 lol dont leave us hanging

Hurry up!!!!!!!!!

[Little Mick]

Yeah come on part 2 already.