Spoons
2nd December 2010, 07:56 AM
Had a little bit of a problem with the car alarm yesterday. The remote decided to stop working (for whatever reason) so we decided to do the rounds and see if there was anyone who could fix and/or supply a new one (the old one had lost its little rubber thingy that goes on the keyring). After a little bit of research we went to a communications installer (radio, nav etc.). He didn't do alarms but did look at the UHF for me (I suspected it had not been working properly for a while). Turns out the antenna plug had a short, which he fixed, and the radio itself was pretty sad, not transmitting to full power.
Anyway, he told us where to get a new remote. When we arrived at the shopping centre I locked the car with the keys which operated the central locking. Went and bought a new remote with pairing instructions (turn ingition on/off 20 times, hold left leg out from side of car at 45.7 degrees, scrunch mouth up in a fish face imitation and press the buttons). On arriving back at the car stupid tried to unlock it by pressing the old remote button. It did what it was supposed to do and turned the alarm on. No worries, just press the button again. Not a bloody chance!! I just about pressed the button through the back of the remote trying to turn the alarm off. OK, unlock the doors with the key, no problems. As soon as I cracked the door "wheeeaugh, wheeaugh, wheeaugh". Press the button again, no luck, press the button about 1,000 times, no luck. Close the door and wait for the alarm to reset. Ahhh, silence. Wife was asking unanswerable questions, "WHAT?". Tried the door again, same result, tried the remote again, same result, wife asking unanswerable questions, "WHAT?". Hmmm, ring the manufacturer. Got a very nice Indian fella. "Yes sir, I can help you, now turn the ignition on/off 10 times.......... " Have you ever tried to understand someone with a very thick accent, with an alarm screaming in your ear, with people walking past looking at you trying to spot a distinguishing feature to relay to the police, in a shopping centre carpark, under a shade sale, in full sun on a really humid day in Townsville? Guaranteed to make you a little exciteable. Thanked the very nice Indian fella as I hung up (after about 30 minutes of trying to follow his instructions). He did give me a tip though "Ring Autobarn". Ring Autobarn and speak to someone who seemed to know what they were talking about AND spoke Australian. All I wanted to do was get the car started (did I mention the alarm was stopping the motor from starting?). "Yeah mate, just bridge the four male push on wires and it will start". Great what am I going to use for wire for the bridge? Ahh, stupid reversing camera hasn't worked for a while, that'll do. Hmm, what have I got to cut the wire with? Where are those bloody pliers? Ahh, that's right, I remember them still laying on the bench in the shed. Hmm, what else have I got? I'm glad I found a pair of nail clippers before I started trying to chew through the wire. Ahh, works a treat (wonder if I could market these little beauties as a multi purpose tool?). Cuts and strips wire and cuts your nails. Bloody beauty. Anyway, bridged the offending wires and started the car, threw the tools in the back, closed all the doors and jumped in to enjoy the air con. Wife thought I was a genius when she got back with a belated lunch.
After driving to the local Autobarn and having him do the "turn ignition key on/off 20 times" thing it was fixed with the new remote paired to the car. Quickly found the Bruce Highway and scuttled out of Townsville and headed home. Moral to this story is don't get caught out with a dud remote, take listening lessons, concentrating on Indian/Pakistani accents (will help when Telstra rings) and know how to start your car when you can't turn the remote off.
Anyway, he told us where to get a new remote. When we arrived at the shopping centre I locked the car with the keys which operated the central locking. Went and bought a new remote with pairing instructions (turn ingition on/off 20 times, hold left leg out from side of car at 45.7 degrees, scrunch mouth up in a fish face imitation and press the buttons). On arriving back at the car stupid tried to unlock it by pressing the old remote button. It did what it was supposed to do and turned the alarm on. No worries, just press the button again. Not a bloody chance!! I just about pressed the button through the back of the remote trying to turn the alarm off. OK, unlock the doors with the key, no problems. As soon as I cracked the door "wheeeaugh, wheeaugh, wheeaugh". Press the button again, no luck, press the button about 1,000 times, no luck. Close the door and wait for the alarm to reset. Ahhh, silence. Wife was asking unanswerable questions, "WHAT?". Tried the door again, same result, tried the remote again, same result, wife asking unanswerable questions, "WHAT?". Hmmm, ring the manufacturer. Got a very nice Indian fella. "Yes sir, I can help you, now turn the ignition on/off 10 times.......... " Have you ever tried to understand someone with a very thick accent, with an alarm screaming in your ear, with people walking past looking at you trying to spot a distinguishing feature to relay to the police, in a shopping centre carpark, under a shade sale, in full sun on a really humid day in Townsville? Guaranteed to make you a little exciteable. Thanked the very nice Indian fella as I hung up (after about 30 minutes of trying to follow his instructions). He did give me a tip though "Ring Autobarn". Ring Autobarn and speak to someone who seemed to know what they were talking about AND spoke Australian. All I wanted to do was get the car started (did I mention the alarm was stopping the motor from starting?). "Yeah mate, just bridge the four male push on wires and it will start". Great what am I going to use for wire for the bridge? Ahh, stupid reversing camera hasn't worked for a while, that'll do. Hmm, what have I got to cut the wire with? Where are those bloody pliers? Ahh, that's right, I remember them still laying on the bench in the shed. Hmm, what else have I got? I'm glad I found a pair of nail clippers before I started trying to chew through the wire. Ahh, works a treat (wonder if I could market these little beauties as a multi purpose tool?). Cuts and strips wire and cuts your nails. Bloody beauty. Anyway, bridged the offending wires and started the car, threw the tools in the back, closed all the doors and jumped in to enjoy the air con. Wife thought I was a genius when she got back with a belated lunch.
After driving to the local Autobarn and having him do the "turn ignition key on/off 20 times" thing it was fixed with the new remote paired to the car. Quickly found the Bruce Highway and scuttled out of Townsville and headed home. Moral to this story is don't get caught out with a dud remote, take listening lessons, concentrating on Indian/Pakistani accents (will help when Telstra rings) and know how to start your car when you can't turn the remote off.